Tell Tale Signs You're in an Abusive Relationship

IF you were to ask someone (who you clearly know is in an abusive relationship) "Are you Ok? Are you in an abusive relationship?" you'd more than likely get a "Yeah, I'm fine," or something of the like.

This response isn’t surprising. Many people who are suffering from abuse often struggle to face that reality. It’s tough to admit something so painful, especially when you love the person who’s hurting you. The thought that you might be in an abusive relationship feels too terrifying, too shameful, or even too hopeless to confront. You may find yourself rationalizing behaviors, making excuses, or convincing yourself that the situation isn’t as bad as it seems. So, when someone asks you directly, you’re not ready to open up or even acknowledge it for yourself.

So, why Is it so hard to admit? Why are we afraid to admit it?

Admitting you’re in an abusive relationship is one of the hardest steps a person can take. Abuse isn’t just physical, more often than not it abuse can/tends be emotional, mental, financial, or psychological, and these forms often cut deeper and leave invisible scars. Abusers are often skilled at manipulation and are great at making you feel like you’re the one at fault, that you’re too sensitive, or that no one else would love you the way they do.

There reasons we deny or hide the abuse can be complex and deeply personal:

1. Fear of Change: The thought of leaving can feel scarier than staying. Many people in abusive relationships fear the unknown – will they be able to cope financially? Will they lose custody of their children? Or will they face an even worse situation if they leave?

2. Love and Hope for Change: You may genuinely care for your partner and hold onto hope that things will improve. Abusers sometimes mix moments of kindness with cruelty, making you feel like the good times will eventually outweigh the bad.

3. Shame and Stigma: Admitting you’re in an abusive relationship can feel humiliating. You might worry about what friends or family will think or whether they’ll judge you for “allowing” the abuse.

4. Self-Blame: Many survivors blame themselves. You might feel that your behavior triggers the abuse or that you’re not worthy of better treatment.

HERE are some signs you might be ignoring in your relationship(s)

• Isolation: If you find yourself increasingly cut off from friends and family, or if your partner discourages or monitors your outside interactions, this is a red flag.

• Constant Anxiety or Fear: Feeling tense, walking on eggshells, or always afraid of saying the “wrong” thing can be signs that something’s wrong.

• Manipulation and Gaslighting: When your partner denies events, twists your words, or convinces you that your memory is unreliable, they may be using gaslighting tactics to control you.

• Belittling and Humiliation: Hurtful, degrading remarks can erode your self-esteem over time. If your partner is constantly making you feel less than, that’s abuse.

• Control Over Your Choices: Whether it’s what you wear, who you talk to, or where you go, if your partner tries to exert control over your life, it’s a sign of an unhealthy power dynamic.

It's time to confront the truth...It’s okay to feel afraid. Acknowledging the reality of an abusive relationship is a massive and necessary first step. No one wants to believe that someone they love can hurt them so badly. By recognizing it, you’re giving yourself a chance to take back control of your life and to move on. You don’t have to make decisions right away – sometimes, simply accepting your truth is the first and most critical step.

So what's NEXT? Take Baby Steps Toward Healing

1. Reach Out for Support: Look for someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, family member, or therapist. Telling someone can lighten the weight you’re carrying alone.

2. Educate Yourself on Abuse: Understanding the signs, cycles, and effects of abuse can help you make sense of your experiences.

3. Build a Safety Plan: If you decide to leave, consider building a plan for how you’ll do so safely. This might involve setting aside emergency funds, gathering important documents, or identifying safe places to go.

4. Self-Compassion and Forgiveness: Many survivors feel guilt for “allowing” the abuse, but abuse is never the victim’s fault. Showing yourself kindness as you navigate this process is crucial.

5. Seek Professional Help: Therapists, support groups, and organizations that work with abuse survivors can be invaluable in helping you recover and rebuild.

Ultimately YOU DESERVE to Feel SAFE and LOVED

One of the hardest things to believe, after experiencing abuse, is that you deserve to be treated with love and respect. No matter what your partner has said or how they’ve made you feel, this is a fundamental truth: you deserve safety, happiness, and peace.

You don’t have to face this alone. There are people who care about you, who will listen and support you. Taking that first step – admitting the reality, even just to yourself – is the beginning of a journey to freedom. And while it may seem daunting, each step forward brings you closer to the life you deserve.

• Nick C.