Have you ever found yourself saying yes to everything anyone ever asks you to do? If you're nodding along, you're not alone. Many of us fall into the habit of being people pleasers, always wanting to help, always trying to make others happy, and never wanting to disappoint. It's easy to say "yes" to every favor, every request, or every last-minute plan, even when it comes at the cost of your own time, energy, and sometimes, your happiness. But what happens when you realize that some of your friendships are more about convenience than genuine connection?
The Pitfalls of People-Pleasing
Being a people pleaser often starts with good intentions—you want to be kind, supportive, and there for others. But over time, it can become exhausting when you constantly put others' needs above your own. You find yourself agreeing to things you don't want to do, bending over backward to keep the peace, and becoming the person others expect you to be rather than who you truly are. This habit can lead to feeling taken advantage of or undervalued in relationships, especially when it becomes clear that the balance is off.
Friends Who Call ONLY When THEY Need Something
We all have those friends who seem to show up only when they need something—whether it’s advice, a favor, or simply someone to vent to. While it's natural to be there for friends in times of need, it can feel one-sided when that’s the only time you hear from them. The friendship becomes transactional, and you're left feeling like your value lies only in what you can provide, rather than in a true, reciprocal relationship.
Vice-Versa - Friends YOU Call ONLY When YOU Need Something
On the flip side, it’s worth reflecting on those friends that you reach out to only when you need something. It can be easy to fall into this pattern without even realizing it. We tend to gravitate toward people who fulfill specific roles in our lives—whether it’s emotional support, career advice, or simply a shoulder to cry on. While there's nothing wrong with leaning on friends, it’s important to ensure that the relationship isn’t just about what they can do for you, but about building a meaningful connection.
So, How Can You Best Work within These Types of Friendships?
Navigating friendships of convenience can be tricky, but it's possible to find a healthier balance. Start by setting boundaries—learn to say “NO” when you’re overwhelmed or simply don’t want to do something. It’s okay to SAY NO, to prioritize your needs and communicate honestly with others. If you feel a friendship is or has been one-sided, carefully address the imbalance by expressing your thoughts and feelings; see if this helps you shift the dynamic.
For those friends who only call when they need something, it’s best to be direct. You can still be supportive, but set limits and encourage them to be part of your life even when they don’t need something from you. On the other hand, if you recognize that you’re the one who’s been calling a friend only in times of need, make an effort to check in on them during the good times, too—showing that the relationship matters beyond just times of need.
Ultimately, healthy friendships are about mutual respect, transparency, communication, understanding, and effort. By being mindful of these dynamics, you can break free from friendships of convenience and build more meaningful, balanced connections.
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